What's an assassin-turned-cafe-worker supposed to do when a pair of seriously inept robbers interrupt his money exchange errand? Teach them proper gun etiquette, of course!
sendspace link Sorry, it's an mp4 though...


(music fades in, Master is punching at the register)
[Master]: Let’s see. . . time to check lunch time’s turnover. . .
(counting bills, rattling coins)
[Master]: Huh? That’s a problem
[Taro]: Hm? What’s the matter?
[Master]: Ah, I was just thinking that we don’t have enough change for the afternoon. Sorry Taro, could you go exchange some money at the bank?
[Taro]: Aah, I’m sorry, I can’t get away right now. . .
[Natsumi]: Ah, I can go ♡
[Master]: Natsumi, do you know how to exchange money?
[Natsumi]: Come on Master! I know that much
[Master]: Oh, sorry
[Natsumi]: It’s okay. It’s just an exchange, right? That’s easy!
[Master]: All right, then I’ll leave it to you
[Natsumi]: Okay! ♡
[Taro]: Ah, could I get you to do some shopping on the way?
[Natsumi]: Oh, of course
[Taro]: Um, we need 2 cases of toilet paper, 200 straws, napkins and 3 big bottles of that new dishwashing liquid, and. . .
[Natsumi]: Woah woah woah, hold it! I can’t carry all that!
[Jun]: Ah, I’m not busy right now. Shall I help?
[Taro]: Really? I feel bad but, I leave it to you
[Jun]: Got it
[Natsumi]: Okay, the two of us are setting o~out! ♡
[Taro]: Oh, when you get the money exchanged, be sure to confirm the amount of bills and coins!
[Natsumi]: Yes sir!
[Jun]: We’re off!
(café door jingles. The bank door slides open)
[Bank Miss]: Welcome!
[Natsumi]: Let’s see, I wonder where the money exchange is. . .
[Jun]: Isn’t it that dispenser over there?
[Natsumi]: Uwah, there sure is a long line. . .
[Jun]: Looks like it’ll take a while
[Natsumi]: And we still have to do the shopping after this too
(the doors slide open and people run in. Bang! Bang! A gun goes off)
[Robber1]: D-d-ddon’t move! L-l-lift up your hands!
(a lady screams, other patrons make noises of concern and fear)
[Robber2]: T-ta-take out the money!
[Natsumi]: Kyaaaaaaaaah! Wha, what is this? What’s going on?
[Jun]: It’s a robbery, Natsumi-san!
[Natsumi]: R-robbery?! No wa~ay!!
[Jun]: What should we do, Natsumi-san?
(back at the café…)
[Taro]: They sure are late. What are those two doing?
[Maki]: Aaah? Maybe they’re out slacking off somewhere?
[Taro]: That’s not it; it’s not like they’re you. Come on, break’s over. Turn off the TV.
[TV Reporter]: This just in: A robbery is occurring at X Bank. The suspects have taken hostages and are currently barricaded within
[Maki]: Hey. Isn’t that in this neighborhood?
[Taro]: That’s dangerous. Which bank is –
[Taro, Maki]: Gaaaaaaaaaahh!!!
(door slams open)
[Master]: What is it? Why are you shouting?
[Taro]: M-MMMMMaster! It’s terrible!
[Master]: Huh? What is? What’s happened?
[Maki]: Th-the TV! TV TV!!
[Master]: What’s wrong with the TV ---- w-Aaaah!
[Taro]: Natsumi and Jun are hostages at the bank!!!
(footsteps come running)
[Toku]: Wh-what’s going on?
[Minagawa]: Even Master’s yelling, what’s happened?
[Maki]: Look at this!
[Toku]: Waaah! Mr. Natsumi and Jun are –
[Minagawa]: Oh dear. It seems they’ve become hostages
[Taro]: How can you be so calm?!
[Minagawa]: They’ll be fine. It’s Jun and Nat-chan, after all
[TV Reporter]: The suspects have handguns and are requesting money
[Master]: H-handguns?!
[Maki]: Seriously?
[Taro]: At any rate, let’s go to the bank, Master!
[Toku]: I’m going too!
[Maki]: Let’s go, everyone!
(footsteps running off)
[Minagawa]: Hold on, what about the store?
[Maki]: Who cares? Leave it as ‘special closure’!
[Minagawa]: All right. . . . Ah, wait for me~!
(the café bell dingles. Hostages’ voices rise up again)
[Robber2]: G-ggg-get your hands up!
[Robber1]: You – you’d better cooperate…. The money!
[Bank Miss]: Aaaaaah! Help!
[Jun]: What should we do, Natsumi-san?
[Natsumi]: Hmmm…. No good
[Jun]: Huh?
[Natsumi]: (clapping hands for attention) Okay okay okay, listen up! You two, oh, it’s no good, no good at all! Aagh, absolutely horrible!
[Robber1]: Huh? Wh-who the hell’re you?
[Natsumi]: Me? I’m just a passing ex-assassin.
[Robber1,2]: Huh?
[Natsumi]: That’s not the problem. Ah. You over there!
[Robber1]: Uwah, uh, m-me?
[Natsumi]: The way you’re using your gun is…..oh, horrible! No good at all. And you over there!
[Robber]: Uh, yes?
[Natsumi]: Do you think you can use a gun when you’re getting ready to flee? Look, you hold a gun like this, higher.
[Robber2]: Huh? Uh, like this?
(resettles gun)
[Natsumi]: WRONG!!! Higher, higher. Yes, yes. At eye level. And when you turn your head, do it with the barrel of the gun, and from your waist. With the barrel of the gun, from your waist.
[Robber2]: Y-yes sir!
[Jun]: Natsumi-san, what are you doing?
[Natsumi]: Be quiet for a bit! Ohhh…. Anyway. You two. You came bursting in here without confirming who was here, didn’t you
[Robber1]: Uh, yes
[Natsumi]: Even your plan is weak. You haven’t even been through training before, have you? Aaaaaaaagh!! Grasping the situation is the key to overthrowing your enemies!!!
[Robber1]: Uh, but, robberies generally aren’t like-
(pa! He gets hit)
[Natsumi]: Agh! Shush! What would you do if there were police or assassins among the customers?!
[Robber2]: Uh, usually there aren’t an—ow!
(he gets hit too)
[Natsumi]: Aren’t I, an ex-assassin, here right now? Today I’m not carrying a weapon so it’s okay. But normally you two would be dead in an instant
[Robber2]: I-I’m sorry!
[Natsumi]: Really. . . So, what’s your goal?
[Robber1]: It’s…money…
[Natsumi]: How much
[Robber2]: Uh, just how ever much will fit in this bag?
(Natsumi hits both robbers)
[Natsumi]: Are you two stupid? That’s such a half-baked goal… Besides, you don’t need this many hostages for only the amount that’ll fit in this bag.
[Robber1]: I-I’m sorry
[Natsumi]: Okay. If you’ve got it, hurry up and chase out the unnecessary hostages.
[Robber1]: B-but-
[Natsumi]: Hurry up!
[Robber]: Y-yes sir!! H-hey! You all! Get outta here right now!
[Bank Miss]: Eh? Y-yes!!
(customers murmur in relief as they exit)
[TV Reporter]: All the hostages have just been released!
[Master]: Ah! What about Natsumi and Jun?
[Taro]: Um, I don’t see them!
[Toku]: You serious?
[Maki]: Um, excuse me, Bank Miss!
[Bank Miss]: Y-yes?
[Maki]: I think there were two guys in there wearing the same uniform as me. . .
[Bank Miss]: Um, those two… They’re still inside…
[Master]: Whaaat?!
[TV Reporter]: Oh no. It seems that there are still hostages left inside.
[Master]: Aah, what is going on ?
[Toku]: Jun!!! Natsumi-san!!!
(back inside the bank…)
[Natsumi]: Well then. Next is how to make effective demands and take charge…
[Jun]: Um, Natsumi-san,
[Natsumi]: What is it?
[Jun]: I’m sorry to bother you while you’re busy, but we still have the shopping left to do
[Natsumi]: Oh no, that’s right. But I have to teach these guys so much. . .
[Robber]: Umm, it’s really okay. . .
[Natsumi]: Hush your mouth! I’m doing this for you, you know!
[Robber1,2]: I’m sorry!
[Jun]: Ah, then, is it okay if I go on ahead?
[Natsumi]: Oh, right, shall I have you do that then?
[Jun]: All right, II’m going on ahead
(bank doors slide open)
[TV Reporter]: Ah! The boy who stayed behind has just been released!
[Master]: Juuuunnn!!
[Jun]: Maste! … Huh? Why is everyone gathered here?
[Maki]: Hey, are you okay?
[Taro]: What about Natsumi?
[Jun]: It seemed like Natsumi-san had things to tell the robbers, so I came out first
[Maki]: What?... What the hell is he doing, talking to the robbers?
[Jun]: Um… He was teaching them how to shoot their guns and things. . .
[Taro]; Why’d he teach them that?!
[Toku]: Agh, that’s like putting gasoline on a fire
[Maki]: Hey, Minagawa, do something!
[Minagawa]: Why do you come to me when you’re in trouble?
[Maki]: You’re the only one we can turn to when common sense doesn’t work!
[Toku]: At any rate, how about talking him down or something?
[Minagawa]: I guess you’re right. Okay. (into a loud speaker) Heey, Nat-chan? Can you hear me? Nat-chan!
[Natsumi]: Oh. I can hear Hifumi-chan’s voice
(bank door slides open)
[Natsumi]: Hifumi-chaa~an!
[Master, Taro, Maki, Toku]: Na-Natsumi~!
[Minagawa]: Nat-chan, it looks like you’re completely surrounded, so why don’t you hurry and come out?
[Natsumi]: Oh my, why is everyone gathered?
[Master]: You idiot! Hurry up and get out here!!!
[Natsumi]: Hang on, that’s mean, calling me an idiot all of a sudden
[Master]: What the hell are you trying to do?
[Natsumi]: Ah, that’s right, good timing. I wonder, could you prepare one billion yen as my ransom?
[Maki]: Wh-what?
[TV Reporter]: A demand from one of the criminals has just been issued.
[Taro]: Excuse me! That’s not a criminal!
[Master]: Hey! Natsumi! What are you saying?!
[Natsumi]: Huh? Right now I’m teaching the robbers how to demand a ransom
[Taro]: Why the hell would you do a thing like that?
[Natsumi]: But these people don’t know the first thing about using guns. (to the robbers) Look. You hold a gun like this…
[TV Reporter]: Oh no. One of the hostages has a gun
[Maki]: Aaaah! Stop it!
[Master]: Natsumi! All I asked you to do was exchange some money! Stop this idiocy at once!
[Natsumi]: I haven’t forgotten. After I receive the ransom I’ll exchange our money
[Toku]: But Natsumi-san, how does become a robber help?!
[Natsumi]: No! I’m not becoming a robber!
[Maki]: No matter how you look at it, you’re a robber! You idiot!
[Taro]: Why are you causing all this trouble?! Stupid!!
[Master]: How did simply asking to exchange money end up in such a mess? You fool!
[Natsumi]: Just a minute. I’m trying so hard and you’re calling me idiot and stupid and fool . . . Aaah, I should just exchange the money now, right? Hey! That billion yen? Change it all to 100 yen coins!!
[TV Reporter]: This is unprecedented! The hostage has demanded the entire ransom in 100 yen coins
[Master]: Why does it come to this?
[Toku]: One, one billion yen in 100 yen coins. . . How many would that be?
[Minagawa]: I wonder. . . Most likely a few truckloads, I should think
[Toku]: Uwaaah!! Amazing!
[Taro]: More importantly, do something about him, please!
[Jun]: It’s all right. It’s Natsumi-san
[Master]: Jun. Why didn’t you bring him with you when you came out?
[Jun]: But we still had the shopping, and Natsumi-san said he was busy. . .
[Maki]: That’s why you persuade him
[Toku]: Yeah
[Jun]: Eh? Why me?
[Maki]: ‘Cause you were in there with him. Obviously you should have persuaded him
[Jun]: In that case, Maki-san, Toku-san, you two should persuade him
[Maki]: What?
[Jun]: I mwan, rather than me, being the youngest, should an adult like you persuade him?
[Maki]: Eh? Uh, well, yes, but um. You see, I would persuade him, but uh, how would you call it. . .
[Toku]: Yeah, yeah. And, we don’t have enough push at the end, or something. . .
[Jun]: You just need a push?
[Maki, Toku]: Huh?
[Jun]: All right, I’ll give you a push. Ei!!!
[Maki, Toku]: Uwaaaaaah~!!
(They go flying through the air and crash through the bank’s glass doors)
[TV Reporter]: Ah, the hostages have just increased
[Master]: Juuuuuuunnn!!!
[Natsumi]: Ah, Maki-chan, Toku-chan, what’s wrong?
(Maki and Toku just laugh. A car skids to a stop)
[TV Reporter]: The one billion yen ransom has just arrived!
(a backing up alarm sounds. Something crashed and coins come flooding out)
[Maki]: Daaaaahh!! . . . . .. . . I’m drowning. . ..
[Minagawa]: Oh my oh my, this is rather amazing
[Jun]: This is the first time I’ve seen so many 100 yen coins
[Taro]: There’s no going back now
[Master]: Ah ah, hahahahahahaha.. . . .
[Jun]: Master? What’s wrong?
[Master]: Ahahahaha, what should I do . . .ahahahaha. . .
[Minagawa]: He’s become as pale as a sheet
(Master continues to laugh)
[Taro]: No good. He’s broken
[Jun]: But Minagawa-san, what should we do after this? I still have the shopping. . .
[Minagawa]: Oh, you’re right. And we left the store as ‘special closure’, so should we hurry back?
[Jun]: You’re right. Let’s leave the rest to the police and go back
[Minagawa]: Taro-chan, what will you do?
[Taro]: (sighs) I guess I’ll go back too. Seems like there’s nothing to be done here
[Jun]: It’ll be fine! Natsumi-san and the others will work things out
[Minagawa]: That they will
(Master laughs some more)
[Taro]: Master. . . Poor thing. . .
(back inside the bank, Natsumi is counting coins)
[Natsumi]: 443,324,200 yen. 443,324,300 yen. 443,324,400 yen. . .
[Robber1]: Um. . .? How long are we going to count for?
[Natsumi]: Be quiet! Now hurry up and count!
[Toku]: Natsumi-san? I don’t think you need to count them that carefully. . .
[Natsumi]: Taro-chan told us to make sure the money was properly exchanged, didn’t he? And if we don’t hurry and count, Maki will still be buried. . .
[Toku]: Even so . . . Can’t we just count out the store’s portion?
[Natsumi]: Aaaah, no! You gripe so much I forgot what number I was on! . . . . . Come on, let’s recount it from the beginning.
[Toku, Robber1,2]: Whaaaaaat?!
[Toku]: So count!
[Natsumi]: I’m counting! Hurry. 100 yen, 200 yen, 300 yen, 400 yen…
[Toku]: (sighs) I wanna go home
[Natsumi]: . . .1500 yen. 1600 yen. 1700 yen. 1800 yen. 2100 ye. . . Huh? 2000? 1800 yen, 1900 yen, 2000 yen, 2100 yen, 2200 yen, 2300 yen, 2300. . .uh 2300 yen? No, 4. . . Aaah!!! One more time, count it out from the start. Hurry. Aren’t you getting frustrated with the beginning? Uh, 100 yen, 200 yen, 300 yen, 400 yen, uh, um, 400, what 500 yen? 600 yen? Aaaaaahh. . .
(coins fall all over the place)
END.